By SARA CLIFFORD

Just because you're one doesn't mean you can't be the other.

Cuddling up with a little one for a nap. Celebrating first steps, first teeth and first days of school — the daily joys of raising children.

Juggling office work and housework. Mere moments of alone time with the hubby. A frighteningly frumpy figure in the mirror — the daily reminders of how much easier life was before you became “Mom.”

Bedford’s Marci Phillips knows what it’s like. A mother of two, she runs Healthy Balance fitness center where many of her clients are moms.

“Eighty percent of moms will tell you they feel like they’ve let themselves go,” she said. “Women think we owe everybody a piece of us, and we don’t save anything for ourselves. ... Well, eventually there will be nothing let of ‘me.’”

It’s not uncommon for moms to feel unattractive, exhausted and disconnected from their partner, friends and their former selves, notes Sara Holliday, fitness expert, marriage and family therapist and the editor of Web site www.fitbysara.com. But between housework, homework and “work-work,” she and local moms have found the time to reconnect with the woman they used to be.

Some tips from Holliday, and advice from local moms:

1. Don’t diet. Food is not the enemy. Instead, “nourish” your body.

Eating frequently helps you stay focused, Phillips said.

“If you don’t eat all day, you start to feel haggard, stressed and run down,” she said. “Stash healthy snacks at work so you can eat more frequently. You’ll get more accomplished during the day and fight feeling overwhelmed.”

Those behaviors can have a trickle-down effect to your family, too. “They’re more likely to develop those healthy habits that you model,” she said.

2. Gain a network. Find a group of supportive women with common interests.

For Kedra Burris, a minister’s wife, her church family is her extended family. “There’s a small group of ladies in my church. They’re incredible,” she said, “sharing child-rearing issues, praying, getting their input when I’m not sure what to do about something.”

Carrie Hardesty and friend Casey Mullis have found support in MOPS, or Mothers of Preschoolers.

“When I’m at home all day I start to go fruit-loopy, watching cartoons all day,” Hardesty said. Working with parents as president of the Shawswick PTO also helps her keep in touch with other adults.

3. Visualize the ideal you. What would she look like? How would she carry herself?

4. Use affirmations. Post sticky notes everywhere: “I am beautiful.” “I am fit.” “I am sexy.”

They may make you feel silly, but say them often and you’ll start to feel that way.

5. Exercise is your time. “Look at it as, ‘If I do this, I’ll have more energy to do give to my family and my job — and I’ll look better, too,’” Phillips said.

“Moms tell me all the time, ‘Oh, I can’t work out because I have to go to baseball practice,’ or whatever. And yes, it’s true that they’re only kids once, and that time is precious. But it’s quality time you should be after, not quantity time. ... Take the kids to grandma’s; leave them with Dad, and then work on you. You’ll actually have more energy. Show them that being physically healthy is as important as paying the bills, as going to church.”

Workouts can fit in during the work day, too, she said — a quick walk around the block on a break or spending lunch hour at a gym. Making the commitment to yourself is key.

“First, decide that you’re worth it; second, you have to be honest with your time and your schedule. ... And third, you have to find an activity you enjoy. If you’re on your feet all day at work, you’re probably not going to be excited about getting on a treadmill.”

More mom advice:

Carrie Hardesty

Kedra Burris

Marci Phillips

Casey Mullis

Age: 32
Day job: Stay-at-home mom
Children: Uly, 4, Jasper, 2, Hiram, 9 months
Married to: Brady for 10 years
Also spends her time: Volunteering with L.I.F.E., teaching Sunday school and VBS and networking through MOPS
Her “me” time: “Every once in a while I get a baby-sitter and spend time with my husband. ... I read when I can. ... And I cook, even when there’s no time for it.”
I feel confident when: “I have all my tasks completed on my ‘to-do’ list.”
My energy food is: “First, chocolate ... then some healthier things, like granola.”
People in my support system: “Our parents, extended family ... and the mothers from MOPS. I’ve made a lot of friends there. If I need someone to babysit for a couple of hours, we’ll trade off.”
One word to describe me: Procrastinator
Advice for younger moms: “Get involved in some sort of support group. It’s absolutely essential. You realize you’re not alone in what you’re going through, and it’s more enjoyable.

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